What keeps us in the darkness?? How do we get out?

THE WORD OF THE LORD, PRAISE BE TO GOD. (PSALM 56:10)

John 12:37-46

Though he had done so many signs before them, they still did not believe in him, so that the word spoken by the prophet Isaiah might be fulfilled:

“Lord, who has believed what he heard from us,

and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?”

Therefore they could not believe. For again Isaiah said,

“He has blinded their eyes

and hardened their heart,

lest they see with their eyes,

and understand with their heart, and turn,

and I would heal them.”

Isaiah said these things because he saw his glory and spoke of him. Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.

And Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me. And whoever sees me sees him who sent me.I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness.

BUT BE DOERS OF THE WORD, AND NOT HEARERS ONLY (JAMES 1)

What keeps us in the darkness and from following Jesus??? 

blinded eyes & unbelief & fear & approval of others

I've been thinking a lot about unbelief and spiritual blindness the past few days.  Believing in Jesus can be hard -- we cannot see with our physical eyes and therefore it requires faith.  And due to the broken world we live in, it is hard to have faith in anything! And its hard to trust anyone. So to take a risk and believe in Jesus and trust Him with your lives is a huge step of faith.  But without that step of faith -- we remain in the darkness... and I think it is often for the four reasons above.  

• Our eyes are blinded from the truth.  
• We have unbelief in our hearts because of hurt, pain, feeling forsaken, etc. 
• We fear the uncertainty of following Jesus and what might come next. 
• We want approval of others more than approval from God. 

I still find myself in the darkness at times because of these four things.  By God's grace - He has delivered me from eternal darkness and into His glorious light.  And I have hope to see Jesus face to face one day (oh what an amazing day that will be)!  But, for now, I still have blinded eyes to God's will, I don't believe God as much as I could, I fear what will happen to me, and I long for the approval of others.  

Jesus DIED (which we remember tomorrow on Good Friday) for this darkness.  He rose again (which we celebrate through Easter) to give me the chance to live a full believing and trusting life.  A life surrendered and abandoned to Him.  

I CHOOSE LIFE (Deuteronomy 30:15-20 NLT).  

How do we get out of the darkness and follow Jesus??? 

belief & prayer

• Belief 

In Mark 9:24, A desperate and hurting father said to Jesus, "I believe, help my unbelief!" I'm saying, "Jesus, I believe, help my unbelief." And further in Mark 9 Jesus says that unbelief can only be driven out by prayer.  

• Prayer

Lord Jesus, I pray for deliverance for myself and those around me who are held captive in the darkness: blinded, unbelieving, fearful, and seeking approval that doesn't satisfy.  Jesus, you are the way to a full and everlasting life (John 10:10). Jesus, you are the one who came to deliver us from bondage and sin and despair and death (Isaiah 61, Romans 4:25). Jesus, you died and rose again so that we could have full life! You are the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE (John 14). You are the GREATEST expression of our God's amazing love for us! We didn't deserve it or earn it, but You freely gave Your life so we could be with you forever and ever! Amen

Verses: (Luke 12, Deuteronomy 30, Mark 9, John 10, Isaiah 61, Romans 4).

A day in the life of teenagers....

So I'm not a teenager anymore, although I often get mistaken for one and sometimes still feel like one. (I mean 24 came quickly...where is time going?)

However, I spend a lot of my life and time with teenagers.  And getting to see their world from an outside perspective, not being personally caught up in the drama, gossip, conflict but being close enough to know what's going on...it is SOMETHING ELSE. Phew... how we all survive being teenagers...I'm not sure.  But here is my summary statement for 'a day in the life of teenagers'...

'Broken people breaking people'

I know that I am not a creative genius and that many people before me have used the expression -- "Broken people break people" but seriously, that is MIDDLE SCHOOL & HIGH SCHOOL. 

I watch my friends walk into a day at school dealing with so much crap: how they view themselves, trouble with family, fighting with friends, frustration with relationships, etc. And all that baggage leads to bad moods, insecurity (which is personally my least favorite emotion), sadness, depression, hopelessness, etc.  Then, those emotions often lead to hatred for the sake of self-defense, self-protection, and survival.  So many harsh words are said to people and about people...and we all know that the saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' is a big LIE.  Bones heal with cast, but the verbal wounds leave broken places in us that are so hard to heal and erase from our minds.  How many of you can think back many years ago to your school days and remember hurtful things that were said to you and hurtful things you said to others?? (Raising my hand...actually both hands)

Thanks to the 21st century and the invention of the great social media like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram (which I really do like most of the time...but adds stresses to many lives), a conflict between two people instantly becomes EVERYONE's business.  And there is public proof of the hatred, gossip, rumors and it usually spreads to where a mass amount of people gossip, hate, and gang up on the person.  You can watch it happen ALL the time.  And then there is the infamous 'subtweeting' - which is essentially publicly talking about somebody behind their back (that made me laugh publicly and behind someones back..).  You don't use names so then others 'assume' the comment is about them.  And I think we've all heard what happens when you assume.  Also, interesting fact:

Social media—from Facebook to Twitter—have made us more densely networked than ever. Yet for all this connectivity, new research suggests that we have never been lonelier (or more narcissistic)—and that this loneliness is making us mentally and physically ill. A report on what the epidemic of loneliness is doing to our souls and our society. 

~ 'Is Facebook Making Us Lonely' on www.theatlantic.com 

I share ALL OF THIS really just to ask for prayer.  To ask for prayer for my friends at the high school and middle school where I work with Young Life and WyldLife.  For the Lord to permeate and change the culture of the modern day teenager's life.  There is absolutely nothing that I can do to change it.  And it looks, seems, and feels impossible! BUT I believe the Lord can do incredible things! It would have to be ripple effect - from kid to kid to kid.  It would have to start with my friends understanding the great LOVE of God. 

Here is a wonderful section from 'Ragamuffin Gospel' by Brennan Manning.

'The living presence of Jesus awakened joy and set people free' pg62 

"The contagious joy of Jesus (only carriers can pass it on) infected and freed His followers.  The author of Hebrews says, "Jesus Christ is the same today as he was yesterday and as he will be for ever' (13:8). If Jesus appeared at your dining room table tonight with knowledge of eerything you are and are not, total comprehension of your life story and every skeleton hidden in your closet; if He laid out the real state of your present discipleship with the hidden agenda, the mixed motives, and the dark desires buried in your psyche, you would feel His acceptance and forgiveness.  For 'experiencing God's love in Jesus Christ means experiencing that one has been universally accepted, approved and infinately loved, that one can and should accept oneself and one's neighbor. Salvation is joy in God which expresses itself in joy in and with one's neighbor.' " pg 63-64

It is the Love of Jesus that can change things.  It is knowing that we are known, accepted, forgiven, and loved that can free us from breaking other people and instead loving other people.  It is the joy of the Lord that is our strength!

^"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Matthew 19:26

Cracked Walls - Part 1

The "temporarily" fixed/patched walls

If you look back in my blog, in summer 2011 I was fixing up my new apartment.  I wrote this then, but was reminded of it because the cracks are showing again!  I will work on part II to post soon.  

"During part of the home improvement project, I've had to use spackling and caulking to fill the cracks in the walls.  It seems that the building keeps shifting.   I can tell that the last time someone painted, they too had to fill the same cracks in the walls.  The spackling and caulking doesn't seem to be fixing the problem (duh, some of you might be thinking).  It seems to be a foundational problem (I guess...I'm no where close to being a professional when it comes to construction!).  So, for now the cracks are just covered up with a layer of spackling and a layer of paint.  But after some time passes, the crack will be exposed again.  My attempts to cover up the cracks are not fixing the problem.

What if I say that I am a cracked wall...and you are probably a cracked wall.  Actually, I can pretty confidently say that we are all cracked walls (Romans 3:23) with a foundation problem.  And guess what we do, when our 'cracks' start to show - we try everything we can to add a layer of spackling and paint to cover them up.  Then they show up again, and we add some more spacking and paint to keep covering the cracks. The "spackling" we use may be running from relationships, having shallow relationships, cutting others down, judging others, buying material things, drinking, using drugs, beating yourself down, striving for perfection, living two-faced lives, etc.  What "spackling" are you using in your life? 


What is the foundational problem (you might be thinking)??  In the beginning, we (as in God's creation) were created to be whole, beautiful, stable, un-cracked walls.  But our desire to have it our way and be in control separated us from God, our Creator, and it broke us - leaving us cracked.  Every way that we try to 'cover up' our problem leads us into deeper shame and brokenness.  It doesn't work. It doesn't leave us satisfied. And it leads to death.

As Romans 6:23 say: The wages of sin is death.  What we deserve for our sin (that Romans 3:23 say we ALL have), is death for eternity.  Its not easy news to handle and it is really discouraging when you don't know how to fix it!

Preview to part 2: Fixing our broken relationship with God (separation from God because of our sin) will make us whole, beautiful, stable, and un-cracked again (for our lives now and for eternity!!)

Check out Genesis 3 and Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23 to see our problem."

Blessings of 2012!!

Well I haven't been the best at keeping up with blogging - so here is a year in review with the highlights and great blessings in 2012! It has been a really awesome year of celebrations for many special people in my life and it has been fun to celebrate with them! Also, it has been a year of joy in ministry in Nicholas County. Enjoy the 2012 Year in pictures. I tried to limit it to 1 event per month - but for a few months I just couldn't! :) 

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Quite a few weddings were celebrated (not all were even pictured) & I had was blessed with opportunities to spend time with friends and family from Morgantown, Nicholas Co, Grafton, & others.  The year also had its downs - times of insecurity, sadness, trials, hurting for friends, fears, worries, and more.  However, I am thankful to be able to look back on the year and see the blessings, gifts, and treasures!  I choose joy!  And as 2012 concludes, I have so much to celebrate and enjoy :) 

January - Young Life Staff Training/YL Celebration - I got to meet with lots of new friends who are on the same mission as I am across the U.S. & world and celebrate the mission of YL with all the staff in the world.  It was a great time in the Sunshine state with great friends!

New Staff Training

YL Celebration @ Sea World! 

February - Start of Summersville Middle School WyldLife (from parent meeting to our first event in a month!) What a blessing the WyldLife ministry has been and my relationship with the middle school!

1st SMS WyldLife

March - The birth of my friend Zach & Kait's firstborn son, Bruce Isaiah Hillegas :) And the opportunity to see him within the first few days of his earthly life!

Bruce Isaiah :) 

April - I got to celebrate Easter in Morgantown with some of my sweet 'spiritual daughters/sisters'.  These young women have taught me so much and been such an important part of my personal and spiritual growth during high school, college, and now.

Such sweet young women

May - Graduations at NCHS & GHS - watching the lovely kids I've spent time with the last few years move onto college & the real world :)

June - The birth of Brian and Sarah's firstborn girl Quinn Mara Shirak! She has been such a blessing to our Nicholas Co YL community and I just love seeing her, holding her, and 'mommy-bouncing' her to sleep.

Quinn as a newborn

Me & Quinn in December (almost 6mo old)

  













July - A month at Rockbridge for Young Life camp and assignment as a housekeeping WC boss.

NCHS Ladies at YL Camp

My Housekeeping Work Crew :) 

August - Family time at my cousin Matthew's wedding in SC & the birth of my dear mentors and friends Sarah and Cameron King's firstborn girl, Eliza Clare King!

My cousin Matt and some friends from HS 

Sarah, Cam & Eliza

September - Nicholas Co YL had their first Young Life club, Capernaum YL club & Young Life banquet! It was a busy and exciting month for work!

1st NCHS YL Club

1st Nicholas Co Capernaum Club

October - Clubble at Nicholas County HS during lunch on October 11th! It was such a neat opportunity to show Young Life club to any student who wanted to attend!

November - 2 more weddings - my cousin Ben married his beautiful wife Sarah & my roommate in college Genna married her groom Rob Gerstenberger! Both weddings were so much fun (and Ben's wedding gave me a chance to escape to Florida after the 28in of snow from 'Frankenstorm'.  I was blessed with the opportunity to sing in Genna and Robs ceremony!
    

Captiva Island 2012

Ainsley & I at the Bubble Room in FL

Mr & Mrs. Ben Cupelli

The Gerstenbergers

December - The marriage of my friends Jimmy & Sarah McDaniel (Sarah & I led at Grafton HS together for 3 years in college - she is such a blessing to my life)! It was such a blessing to be a part of the festivities as a bridesmaid :)

Bachelorette Festivities

The LOVELY Mrs. McDaniel 

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!

Fountains of Living Water

For with you is the fountain of life, in your light do we see light. 

Psalm 36:9

Jeremiah 2:12-13

Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the LORD, 

for my people have committed two evils:

they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters,

and hewed out cisterns that can hold no water. 

As the Matthew Henry commentary says: fountains of living water, in whom they have an abundant and constant supply of all the comfort and relief they stand in need of and have it freely....there is in him all sufficiency of grace and strength, all our springs are in him and our streams from him to forsake him is, in effect to deny this.  

He is the SOURCE OF LIFE & EVERYTHING WE NEED.... why do we forsake this? Why do we abandon Him? 

All throughout the Bible, from the beginning of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, to the people of Israel, to the disciples, to the people who saw and talked to Jesus...we have abandoned the source of life.  Our Maker. Our God.

We are so deceived that the 'cisterns' we create will sustain and satisfy us. Yet they don't, do they?  I loved the following quote and the truth it spoke... it shows how the heart and the idols we turn to are deceitful.

"Whatever those turn to who forsake God, it will never do them any good; it will flatter them and please them, but it CANNOT profit them."

If we follow our heart, believing our feelings and our heart will not mislead us - we may find we are flattered and pleased by the things we seek that are not of the LORD.  BUT they will not benefit us. They will not satisfy us. They will not lead to life. 

This is when we have to humble ourselves and CHOOSE to TRUST our God.  To BELIEVE that what He says is best.  Because we may not be able to see it clearly in the beginning - but if we believe He is the one who will satisfy and that He is the abundant and the constant supply of all we have need for - He will freely give it to us! 

He freely gave us Jesus - His Beloved Son! We didn't deserve the death and resurrection of Christ on our behalf - but He gave it because HE IS LOVE.  We don't deserve hope of eternal life - yet it is ours by believing in Jesus Christ. 

Oh He is so loving. Just read Jeremiah 3 or Luke 15:11-32 or the book of Hosea or the story of the CROSS to see HOW PATIENT and LOVING our God is.  

We need to pray that we would not turn to the idols and deceitful desires of this world - but TURN BACK TO HIM.  To the ONE who made us, loves us, and gave up so much so that we could be redeemed, saved, and whole!

My prayer that we would be the opposite of the 'ungrateful & foolish" people described in Jeremiah 2:13...

that we would be thankful and wise.  Seeking the Lord and believing He is the ONLY WAY  TO SALVATION AND FULL LIFE. John 10:10

ALL MY FOUNTAINS: by Chris Tomlin 

I. Heart. Rockbridge.

I was blessed with the opportunity to spend 6 weeks at the Young Life Camp in Virginia, Rockbridge.  It is such a beautiful place.  The first time I went was in 7th grade with my friend Alicia's family. He was the camp doctor that year.  It was an awesome week, but I had no idea then that I would spend so much time there with so many amazing people in the years to come.  

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Here is a picture from when I was going into the 7th grade! 

50s Night @ Rockbridge, 2002

Here are some other Rockbridge pictures - then I'll share about this summer in the next post!

Summer 2006

Winter Weekend 2007

Winter Weekend 2008

Leader Weekend 2008

Summer Camp 2008

Leader Weekend 2009

Summer Camp 2010

Summer Camp 2011

Summer Camp 2012

July Assignment - Housekeeping Work Crew 2012

Such precious memories. It is truly Holy ground. I personally have grown in my faith in great ways during my time there.  And many that I know have met Jesus or grown in their relationships with Jesus because of the weeks or months spent at the camp.  I am thankful for my job and the opportunity I had to spend a fantastic 6 weeks at Rockbridge! 

More to come....

summer, the infamous 'Bugs', and choosing joy!

Hello - it has been an interesting beginning to the summer (which is going to be a crazy adventure of Young Life traveling).  I will be in Summersville a total of 3 weeks and a few days.  I am looking forward to WyldLife camp, Young Life camp, and Young Life assignment as a work crew boss in the month of July.

Remember my last blog - the one about my bathroom being finished & that it was the last room to be complete?! Well I would like to retract that statement because I've been hit with a terrible inconvenience in the last month that caused me to basically 'destroy' my house and put it back together again (someday).  That putting it back together part is still a work in progress...

What is the terrible inconvenience ---- have you ever heard the phrase:

"Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite?"

GROSS, I know!! Fortunately the ones I found were on the small size (like on the left....not the monster size yet!) 

Well BED BUGS ARE REAL & they do BITE & it itches really bad! - and they chose to invade my house.  I already knew they were real because my friends in college had them, but to find them in my room was a different story altogether.  

With the help of my parents we had to take all my clothes and material belongings to the laundry mat to be dried and washed and dried... everything had to be bagged up into garbage bags, furniture moved to middle of room, drawers emptied, cabinets emptied, carpet pulled up on edges, light covers taken off wall...etc etc etc. Its crazy really - but its the best steps to take so that the exterminating treatment will work. I could go on and on but really its been a lesson and a trial to teach me some things I've been needing to learn.  Even though the learning isn't always a fun process.

The Bible says "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

I'm trusting that this is producing in me the peaceful fruit of righteousness, even though it feels more chaotic than peaceful right now! 

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The second infamous bug was the "Stomach Bug" - the Norovirus that wiped out 19 out of 22 family members at our beach trip & then hit my brother two days after returning home.  Leaving only 2 family members unaffected by the virus.  Fortunately it was only a 24ish hour bug --- but it led to less of a vacation and more of a "pukation" as my family chose to call it.  You've got to make light of it --- because otherwise you are just sad!

My cousins made a Toilet Sand Castle... it just seemed appropriate to sum up the week! 

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And my fav Beth Moore quote, "Choose joy --- even when you don't feel it, choose it!"  Why? Because 'the JOY of the LORD is our STRENGTH!  Without it, I am so weak! I allow so many worthless ideas, worries, expecations, and fears to steal my joy every day.  I want to fight the GOOD FIGHT & FINISH THE RACE.

Nehemiah 8:10: "Do not grieve, for the JOY of the Lord is your strength.

Blessings <3 

Hoping to fight these bugs, get my house back in shape, and enjoy the summer of adventure and loving Jesus and loving teens! Because - there is JOY in the GOSPEL which is Salvation for all who believe.